Jennifer Coolidge

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. You all made it. Look at you. All of you made it this morning.

I don't know how you did it. I just want to say thank you thank you for having me. This is incredible to be with you today, and I just also, you know, thank you so much to President Bernhart and and the board of trustees and faculty members and I will, you know, repeat what's been said, Happy Mother's Day.

And there's very proud moms out there. You know, I don't know if any of you know this, so I'm gonna tell you. See, I have always wanted to do this and during COVID, I pitched myself for this job.

And I even put myself on tape. I really did, and it's still on my Instagram. I you know, I did a speech in front of some scary-looking dolls at my house.

And and I did it, you know, this was during the, in, you know, the very center, the scariest part of lockdown, and I ended up getting a note back, and they said, "We've decided to go in a different direction." and you know, I guess I just want to say, I guess it wasn't my year, you know?

But I want you all to know that I grew up just 40 miles down the road in Norwell, Massachusetts. I did. And if you had told the kids that I grew up with that I would once, you know, one day, you know, I would have this opportunity like this, you know, they would have laughed in your face, and I'm being honest. That's true. And you know.

And to be fair, I kinda get it 'cause I was a very strange kid. And I guess you had to be there, but I was really kinda odd, you know? And I promise you my parents will vouch for me.

And to all the parents and caregivers in the audience that are worried about their kids succeeding, I just want to say don't. And I say that because when I was in the first grade, the last day of school was called Field Day, and Field Day was a really big deal. It was when grades one through six, competed all together at Osborn Elementary.

And my teacher took our class out to the obstacle course, and before we ran it, she just wanted us to know what we had to do. And she walked us all through the.

Pointing out everything. You know, you have to go through the tires, you have to go under, you have to go under a log, you have to jump over this, you have to, you know, swing on the ropes, and then you have this last sprint to the end. And that's when you finish, you cross the finish line. And when the gun went off, I ran like hell.

I did. And I was running alongside Cathy Merritt, the fastest girl in school, and I crossed the finish line ahead of her, and I was so elated that I had won. And you know, it meant, to me, it just meant that I was going to get the blue ribbon. And then the teacher came up to me and told me that I didn't win the blue ribbon because I was disqualified.

And it turns out I had skipped all of the obstacles. I just, I just ran along the outside. You know? And it was just, incredibly traumatizing because you know, I don't even know if I've.

You know, the whole school started to shame me about this. And you know, I mean, it was, this was like 15 years ago, so it feels like yesterday. You know? But you know, I carried a lot of shame with that, obstacle course debacle, and it was mostly it was just, it was my classmates.

You know, they teased me for so many years about it. And you know, they had pretty thick, like, Boston accents, you know, which made it sound so much meaner. You know? Like, they were saying stuff like, "Good going, Jennifer, you frigging idiot."

And "Who taught you directions? Amelia Earhart?" And you know, "Jennifer, the clams in my chowder are smarter than you." You know, "Go Sox."

You have to understand that I became completely paranoid as a little girl, and that I didn't understand, it was completely clear that I didn't understand what was going on. And I kind of, I kinda didn't. You know? I was, I was unaware and and you know, I realized I was gonna go the rest of my life as a joke, and I was so uncomfortable with myself.

You know, I began to live, completely live in my head and at that, from that moment on. And you know, even as a child, you know, who was scared, I just couldn't comprehend the world somehow. And and somehow I made the decision in this moment, and I remember it well, that you just have to have insane expectations and believe they're going to come true.

Yeah. And you know, my mother had a magazine in the living room and it had Grace Kelly on the cover. And inside there was a full, you know, full photo spread of her, you know, her lavish royal, wedding, and a story about how she became the Queen of Monaco. And it was all in this moment that I realized that I wanted to be Queen of Monaco.

And I genuinely, I'm not kidding, I convinced myself that I had a chance at it, and I almost hypnotized myself into an impossible life. Like I planted the seed, something, you know, so far beyond that, you know, something realistic, you know, in my brain. And I expected something great would really happen to me.

And in retrospect, it was the one and only thing I really had going for me. And you know, I had, you know, I had this thing inside of me telling me that I could achieve anything in this world, you know? And there was just nothing to back it up.

You know? And I mean, and I'm really talking like severe depression aside, you know? My fantasies, my fantasies, somehow they sort of gained momentum and I sort of started to power my reality somehow. And you can, you can always probably relate to really wanting something.

I bet everyone in this room really wants something. And you know, maybe it's a writer here, you wanna be a, you know, a famous writer, or just a decent writer, and a, or a great director, or an actress who gets a job or two, you know, whatever you want. But it's all okay.

You know, it's all totally okay. But when you find the thing that you wanna do, I really wanna highly recommend just frigging go for it. I mean, you really have to psych yourself up into believing absurd possibilities, and you have to believe that they are not absurd.

And you know, the, because you know, there's nothing foolish or accidental, you know, there's nothing foolish, there's nothing accidental, you know, about expecting, you know, the seemingly, you know, things are unattainable for yourself, you know? And I don't care so much about what other people think right now.

You know, for so much of my life I was in this constant state of, just recovering from something that someone had said to me or had said about me. And I you know, that's what you get if you're overly sensitive, you know? Like, I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this.

But you know there is a benefit to be, being overly sensitive, and that is, I like, I don't know, I think somehow you're better at stuff. I don't know. You're, I mean you're

You somehow, you're taking in, it's such a hard hit when people say stuff and you see, and you know, and no one else is sort of reacting, and you take it hard. But I swear to God, you pay for the, you benefit from the hit. And and I don't, I don't even regret that anymore.

And you know, I just want you all to hear me say that, don't listen to the people who mess up the real story that you've got going. And You know, because Emerson has ignited these seemingly unattainable possibilities for you that now can be your reality. And and it is your it is your ability to convince yourself you really can make it.

Because you really have to be your own champion. And so this is my advice. And that really was my advice, the main part of my advice.

But I do wanna I do have one last little, confession to make, and that was that, you know, the, you know, the story I told you about the obstacle course, you know? It was just a metaphor. You know? No, I'm joking.

No. No. Wait, but you know, before you turn on me, I just wanna I want you to know, it really did happen It really did. And it was super traumatizing and You know, but I've somehow lived through it, and I just.

I brought it up to all of you today, you know, not to rehash old wounds or anything, but rather so I could tell you that, I mean, it really doesn't matter what anyone thinks or says. I mean, you know, when it comes to the obstacle course of your life, you have to find your own path, and you can't perfectly plan it out for, you know, from the beginning.

And part of the, of directing your life is just letting it unfold, you know? So let it. And and personally, you know, the best thing that happened to me is that it didn't happen to me for a very long time.

And and it didn't happen, you know, it just didn't happen early on. And I think that is what kept me going with my unrealistic belief in myself and what was possible. And despite all of the hideous rejection, it just went on.

You know, I mean, I got turned down. Like, I would go in for an audition where my only line was to get in the elevator and just saying, "Going up." And they didn't want me, you know?

But yeah. It's the incredible belief in yourself. And you know, it's even easy, you know, rejection, you know, I say, "Take the rejection. You can handle it."

But you know, and it looks like it's easy for me to say that now, but it was really hard. I have to say, it was. And it still is hard.

It really is. I mean, like I told you before, it took me, you know, two tries to even get this gig, you know? And that's okay. And you know, it's, it's okay to be sensitive and feel things.

I just wanna say, feel things profoundly. You're so young, you know? And you really can handle it.

And I promise you. And I mean, you know, you may be leaving Emerson, but you are not leaving one another. And I know you'we're living in very scary times, and I just wanna say, hold on to each other.

And There are no great expectations to be realized without great people to realize with them. And that's, I very strongly feel that way. I am so.

I mean, I just can't, I'm just, I it's hard not to cry, but I'm just, I'm so unbelievably proud of all of you. And I cannot wait to see, you know, what's ahead for you. And lastly, I just wanna say, you know, you have my permission to relax for a while now because you've earned it.

And Yeah. And so what I'm saying is give yourself the weekend or you Maybe the summer until Labor Day. I mean, I mean, Labor Day it's, you know, basically Thanksgiving. And and then after that, it's practically the holidays.

So, you know, you might wait till the new year to really, you You know, lock in. Yeah. You know, the pure wins in life really call for celebration. And this today, for all of you is a pure win.

I wanna encourage you to stand up for what you believe in and for what Emerson stands for. And now I really just wanna say to the great class of 2025, congratulations. And as Elle Woods, my co-partner in crime would say, "We did it!"

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