Just Do It
April 14th. Almost a month since you wrote to me, and you have possibly forgotten your state of mind. I doubt it, though. You seem the same as always, and being you hate every minute of it.
Don't. Learn to say, "Fuck you," to the world every once in a while. You have every right to.
Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder, wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting, hoping for some easy way out, struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching, mumbling, bumbling, grumbling, humbling, stumbling, numbling, rambling, gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling, hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning, groaning, honing, boning, horse shitting, hair splitting, nitpicking, piss trickling, nose sticking, ass gouging, eyeball poking, finger pointing, alleyway sneaking, long waiting, small stepping, evil eyeing, back scratching, searching, perching, besmirching, grinding away at yourself.
Stop it and just do. From your description and from what I know of your previous work and your ability, the work you are doing sounds very good. Drawing, clean, clear, but crazy like machines, larger and bolder, real nonsense.
That sounds fine. Wonderful. Real nonsense. Do more. More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines, more breasts, penises, cunts, whatever.
Make them abound with nonsense. Try and tickle something inside you your weird humor. You belong in the most secret part of you.
Don't worry about cool. Make your own uncool. Make your own. Make your own world.
If you fear, make it work for you. Draw and paint your fear and anxiety, and stop worrying about big, deep things such as to decide on a purpose and way of life, a consistent approach to even some impossible end, or even an unimagined end. You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty.
Then you will be able to do. I have much confidence in you and even though you are tormenting yourself, the work you do is very good. Try to do something bad.
Try to do some bad work, the worst thing you can think of, and see what happens. But mainly, relax and let everything go to hell. You are not responsible for the world.
You're only responsible for your work, so just do it. And don't think that your work has to conform to any preconceived idea, form, or flavor. It can be anything you want it to be.
But if life would be easier for you if you stopped working, then stop. Don't punish yourself. However, I think that this is so deeply ingrained in you that it would be better for you to do. It seems I do understand your attitude somewhat anyway, because I go through a similar process every now and again myself.
I have an agonizing reappraisal of my work, and change everything as much as possible, and hate everything I've done, and try to do something entirely different and better, and maybe that kind of process is necessary to me, pushing me on and on, and well, the feeling that I could do better than that shit I just did.
Maybe you need your agony to accomplish what you do, and maybe it goads you on to do better, but it's very painful, I know. It would be better if you had the confidence just to do the stuff and not even think about it. Can't you leave the world and art alone?
And also, quit fondling your ego. I know that you or anyone, can only work so much, and the rest of the time, you are left with your thoughts. But when you work, or before you work, you have to empty your mind and concentrate on what you are doing.
After you do something, it is done, and that's that. After a while, you can see some are better than others, but also you can see what direction you're going. I'm sure you know all that.
You also must know that you don't have to justify your work, not even to yourself. Well, you know I admire your work greatly and can't understand why you are so bothered by it, but you can see the next ones, and I can't. You also must believe in your ability.
I think you do. So try the most outrageous things you can. Shock yourself. You have at your power the ability to do anything.
I'd like to see your work, and will have to be content to wait until Aug. Or Sept. I've seen photos of some of Tom's new things at Lucy's. They're very impressive, especially the ones with more rigorous form, the simpler ones.
I guess he'll send some more later on. Let me know how the shows are going and that kind of stuff. My work has changed since you left, and it's much better.
I will be having a show May 4th to 29th at Daniels Gallery, 70th East and 64th Street, where Emmerich was. I wish you could be there. Much love to you both, Sol.
